Tales from Free Country USA
by ThomasAngryBirds
Summary: Reboot from the original cartoon. After the defeat of Deep Claw and Blade, Specs Hordern settles down in Free Country USA with her new boyfriend Homestar Runner Jr. With their friends Palm-Palm, Milestone, Homezipan, Know-it-Ally, Violet Blue, Monocle, Jack-Jack, and Zippy, those ten teens have many tales to tell. K-plus for brief language.


**After months of more blood, sweat and turmoil, I finally get around to posting Tales from Free Country USA! This was written up back in November, but I never got a chance to post it here until now. If you haven't already, read "The Kids of Free Country USA" prior to this.**

**Done that? Good.**

**Now, sit back, and enjoy the very first story of...**

* * *

**Homestar Runner – Tales from Free Country USA**

**Episode 1:** **The Yin and Yang of the Runner Family**

**Written by ThomasAngryBirds and Borisfangirl**

It had been several days since the sesquicentennial celebrations of Free Country USA, and the town had only just recovered from the attacks of Darren Crawford, now known as Deep Claw.

On the morning of Monday, August 9, 2010, Homestar Runner Jr. yawned as he stood up off the couch and stretched. Now do you remember that it was him and his friends, most of the other kids of Free Country USA, who helped to save the town from the terrifying Deep Claw?

You do? Now we can continue.

"Another night's gone and went," sighed Homestar Jr. to himself.

The house next door to Homestar Jr.'s belonged to the Hordern family – Shade, his wife Oriana, and their two daughters Michelle and Shelley (more commonly known as Monocle and Specs, respectively) – but due to damages caused on the interior and in the basement, the house was undergoing repairs, and until then, the Horderns had to sleep at different places. Shade and Oriana were now living with the Poms, Monocle with the Winners, and Specs was with the Runners, sleeping in Homestar Jr.'s bedroom.

Speaking of whom, the thirteen-year old brunette herself had walked downstairs through the kitchen and into the living room.

"Homestar Jr.?" Specs quietly asked. This got the armless boy's attention.

"Yes, Specs?" Homestar Jr. answered.

"I want to thank you and you family for letting me stay here for a while," Specs smiled.

"Hey," Homestar Jr. grinned, "it was no trouble at all. You're a good girl, Specs."

Specs giggled and blushed upon hearing that.

"She's bettew than Stawzipan was," agreed another female voice. It was Homezipan, Homestar Jr.'s twelve-year-old sister, "good widdance to that bwat."

"Thank you, Homezipan," Specs said, "you're better than Starzipan as well." Then a thought struck her.

"Speaking of, what was that girl's problem? Why did she act so selfish and like a… you know."

Homestar Jr. and Homezipan looked at each other; they knew what Specs was curious about.

"It's kind of a wong stowee," Homezipan admitted, "she and I awe twins – ow wathew, wewe, I suppose – and wike mom said, thewe's a yin and yang… What was it again? I fowget."

"A Chinese philosophy to describe how opposite or contrary forces are interconnected," Homestar Jr. explained, "in this case, Homezipan, you and Starzipan."

"So, Homezipan is the lighter half, while Starzipan is the darker half?"

"Yes I am," said Homezipan, "it's awways been wike this, even on the day she and I were bown…"

"And I feel we should start from the beginning," finished Homestar Jr., and this is what they told Specs…

* * *

**JUNE 24, 1998**

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Runner! It's twin girls!"

"Twin guwls? Sewiouswy?"

"Oh, it's twins! May we see them?"

"Very well, Mrs. Runner, but it might come as a shock to you…"

In the doctor's hands were two girls; both resembled Homestar with short blond hair, both in diapers. The right-side twin had red soles, while the twin on the left had blue soles. To the couple's surprise, the twins were joined by a band of skin connecting them side to side. It was the skin band that shocked the couple.

"How peculiar," exclaimed Marzipan, "they're conjoined twins."

The twin on the left (their right) then began to whine angrily, making Marzipan cringe slightly. "I may need to bottle-feed that one…"

Shortly after their birth, the twins were separated and their scars sewn up. In about a week's time, the twins were brought home. The twin with her scar on the left was named Homezipan, and the twin with her scar on the right was named Starzipan.

* * *

**AUGUST 9, 2010**

"…when they came home," continued Homestar Jr., "I immediately had an attachment to one of the twins. You're lookin' at her," he added, motioning over to Homezipan.

"And they say youw scaws are pewmanent when you'we bown," the blond girl agreed, and before anyone knew it, she pulled up her dress revealing a vertical, long, slightly reddish scar. (And to let you know, she was wearing a yellow skirt underneath.) That made Specs cringe in shock.

"Oh, my goodness!" Specs squeaked, "I hadn't noticed it before."

"I know," moaned Homezipan, "It's embawwasing whenevew the topic's bwought up."

"Surely it didn't stop after birth?"

"Nope, it got far, far worse, even when I was only three," Homestar Jr. continued. Specs listened intently.

* * *

**1999**

In his bedroom, three-year-old Homestar Jr. was woken up by the sound of someone screaming loudly. Curious, he got out of bed to find the source of the noise. At this age, a kid of three years would normally throw tantrums, but Homestar Jr. rarely did so; he was mostly well-behaved, even for a kid of three, like he is today.

He found the source of the whining in his parents' bedroom. The lights were on, and Homestar and Marzipan were tending to the twins. Starzipan and Homezipan were about nine months old and wore pajamas that identified them both; Homezipan wore pink and Starzipan a purplish-red.

Right now, Marzipan was holding baby Starzipan, who was whining angrily while Homezipan was on the verge of bursting to tears.

"What's wrong, mommy?" Homestar Jr. asked curiously. His parents turned to notice him in surprise; they hadn't heard him come into the room.

"Oh, Homestar Jr.," Marzipan said quietly, "I'm sorry if Starzipan's screaming woke you up. She's being crankier than usual tonight."

"Why?"

"I don't know; hopefully the doctor will figure it out first thing in the morning."

After his parents calmed the girls down, Homestar Jr. was quietly sent off back to bed, and there were no further problems that night.

* * *

For the next several months, several doctors and family friends tried what they could to figure out why Starzipan was acting the way she did. However, there was not much luck.

"Oh, it's no use," Marzipan panted out of frustration, "we've tried everything we could think of."

"Maybe it's the way she was born," suggested Homeschool, Homestar's brother in law, "a DNA test could answer our questions."

"If there are any," sighed Marzipan quietly.

The young Homestar Jr. was worried for his sisters, but mostly for Homezipan. She was often scared for her life.

_She's just a baby,_ he said to himself, observing Marzipan comforting the scared twin, _even I know it's wrong to scare babies._

* * *

Over the next several years, Starzipan's attitude remained just about the same. By this point, 2004, the website about Homestar, Marzipan and their friends was a huge success, looking after their respective families behind the scenes, so to speak.

Homestar Jr. was now eight years old, along with his cousin Milestone "Miles" Winner, and his best friend Palm-Palm. The twins were now six years of age. Poor Homezipan was shaking in fright… again.

"Starzipan bothering you again?" asked Milestone.

"Uh-huh," was all Homezipan could answer, in a quiet tone.

"What a coward that Starzipan," grumbled Palm-Palm, "yet she's able to inflict fear to others."

"I just wish she'd at least have the tiniest bit of common sense," Homestar Jr. sighed in agreement.

Not too far away, Starzipan stood close by the stick. She rolled her eyes; it was always the same. Lecture, lecture, lecture. She didn't care what anyone thought of her.

Unfortunately for everyone, there walked by the new girl Know-it-Ally, who moved from Scotland to Free Country USA with her family. And by "unfortunately", I'm sure you can guess what happened, right?

"Hey four eyes!" Starzipan called rudely.

"Here we go," muttered Palm-Palm.

"What wuz that?!" Ally snapped in annoyance. For a girl of nine years, she did have a short fuse.

"Don't do it," Homestar Jr. muttered anxiously.

"You heard me, four eyes," Starzipan continued in her rude way, "your head must be so big you're a real mad scientist, Irish girl!"

The stupid girl broke into laughter; the others (especially Homezipan) could sense Ally's temper was reaching breaking point.

"_COME HERE YE!_" Ally screamed, "_I'LL TEAR YE TO SHREDS!_"

Starzipan quickly got out of the way, so Ally went charging towards Homezipan instead!

"Oh cwap…" The poor girl in pink ran fast as her legs could carry her!

"Hewp!" she wailed, "What did I do to you?!"

"Ye know what we did!" Ally scowled, "And I'm teachin' ye a lesson!"

But before she could make a blow, Milestone and Palm-Palm grabbed her by the arms, giving Homezipan a chance to hide behind her brother.

"Ally, it wasn't Homezipan, honestly!" Homestar Jr. tried to explain.

"Not hearin' it!" snapped Ally, "Now let me go and teach that brat a lesson!"

"No!" Milestone and Palm-Palm said together; they too knew everything.

"What's all this?" a voice called. There stood Star Bad, son of Strong Bad and Baddette, and was about Ally's age.

"Oh no," groaned Milestone.

"That pink little shrimp insulted me to mah face!" Ally scowled in anger.

"Allow me," said Star Bad, smirking as he shoved Homestar Jr. to the ground, giving Ally the chance to break from Milestone's and Palm-Palm's grasp.

"No!" cried Homezipan, and before she could run, Ally tackled her to the ground and beat her up.

"What is going on out here?" a regal voice called.

"Oh jeez," Homestar Jr. moaned quietly.

The voice came from the beautiful Queen of Town. She was out walking, and was curious about the noise.

"Y-y-your Majesty!" the kids stuttered. (Not Homestar Jr., he said it normally. Starzipan just said nothing.)

Ally was distracted long enough for Homezipan to get away, beaten, bruised, and on the verge of tears.

"It seems that I've missed any signs of action," the Queen said, "carry on, my little friends."

"Come on, Homezy," her brother said, giving her a hand (or rather, lack thereof), "I better take you home. Although mom's not gonna be pleased with someone…"

* * *

"Oh, my goodness! Homezipan, what's happened to you?!"

"Starzipan insulted Ally, and then she went and beat Homezipan up instead," Homestar Jr. explained, his sister trying to contain her sobbing.

"My sistew's a meanie," Homezipan sobbed, hugging her brother tightly.

"It was made no better with Star Bad around," Homestar Jr. added, and didn't forget what he'd done too.

"I swear Star Bad is a bad example of how children should be raised," Marzipan groaned, "I'm having a word with Ally's parents, and I'm having a good chat with Strong Bad about parenting! And a chat about Starzipan's behavior too!"

* * *

**AUGUST 9, 2010**

"We did meet Awwy sevewal days befowe, but with Stawzipan awound, fiwst impwessions wewe faw fwom pweasant."

"As you'd guess, Starzipan insulted Ally, and there's been conflict between her and Homezipan her since."

"Well, I'm truly sorry she treated you that way, Homezipan," Specs sympathized.

"Yeah, Stawzipan weally-"

"I think she meant, Ally," Homestar Jr. corrected.

"Oh…"

"I meant both actually."

"Oh…" Both now felt a little silly, but continued anyway.

* * *

**2005**

Around that time, Homezipan and Starzipan were now in grade school. While Homezipan sat timidly at her desk, Starzipan would not only bother her, but other students as well, even from her seat.

Whenever Starzipan was caught for her bad behavior, it was often Marzipan who was called in. This was frustrating, especially when she was pregnant with another pair of twins. (They would eventually be Marzistar and Marzipan Jr.)

"Mom's stwessed again," Homezipan told her brother one day in the hallways. They could see her scolding Starzipan yet again for her poor behavior.

"Starzipan," Marzipan said crossly, "your behavior towards others is not what I approve of. Please learn to treat others with respect."

But every time she was told that, Starzipan didn't take notice of her mother's words, and continued on in the same old fashion. She thought Marzipan was wasting her breath. Even when the younger twins, Marzistar and Marzipan Jr., were born, Starzipan still acted stubborn and rude, often waking them up when it was naptime.

"WAAAH!"

"WAAAH!"

"Starzipan," Marzipan said coldly as she calmed them down, "one of these days, you'll be in such deep trouble."

* * *

**AUGUST 9, 2010**

"…and we're sure you can guess what happened next," continued Homestar Jr., "karma had finally bitten her skinny white butt after twelve years."

"And it's onwy been wast month!" squeaked Homezipan.

"I'm just sorry it didn't happen sooner."

"Eh, don't be," said Homestar Jr., "I do feel kind of bad for her; she just didn't even have the tiniest bit of common sense, let alone any thoughts for how others feel."

"Even when mom sent hew off," added Homezipan, "but it did sewve hew wite! Awe we about to teww you what you know?"

"Not in that much detail from your perspective," Specs admitted, "I was helping with Bubs repair his stand at the time. Go on."

And so the siblings did…

* * *

**JULY 15**

The family had just finished packing up for Starzipan's trip to Stark Hawk Canada. For disobeying her mother and breaking a promise, she was to be sent off to the Troubled Girls' Youth Society for the next six to eight months, depending on progress.

"This is really for the best, Starzipan," Marzipan coldly said, "You were warned that this would happen, but you didn't listen."

"It's not my fault!" Starzipan complained, despite being scared about what her final punishment was, "Those two idiots-" she began, referring to Homestar Jr. and Homezipan, who scowled silently in return.

"That's enough, young lady!" Marzipan interrupted, "And I don't want to hear any negative feedback about you. When you get there, you will listen to what the instructors have to say! Hopefully when you return, you'll be a well-behaved young lady."

After she was inside the bus for the airport (by force from her mother, of course), Starzipan screamed in protest, the driver wasn't deterred; he was used to this behavior from unruly people.

Once out of sight, Marzipan gave a heavy sigh; all the anger had left her and was feeling exhausted, relieved and dismayed, all at the same time. If she had shoulders, they would've twitched. Homestar Jr. and Homezipan wondered if their mother was crying.

"M-mother?" her son asked hesitatingly.

"I have no idea where she went wrong," Marzipan said quietly, "it makes me wonder if I'm a failure as a mother…"

Though Homezipan and Homestar Jr. didn't have visible hands, they both gave Marzipan gentle hugs.

* * *

**AUGUST 9**

"From what I've been told," said Specs, "it does make Mrs. Runner sound a bit horrid sending away a child like that, even if Starzipan was a selfish brat."

"I know we didn't display mother in a positive light," said Homestar Jr., "but she's a kind lady who stands no nonsense from others; many of us afterward didn't have as much remorse or guilt as she did. Starzipan didn't deserve a place in the family if you ask me. Right, Homezy?"

"That's wite," said Homezipan, "even when she did what she had to, she's the best mom in the whowe wowwd, and no one can wepwace hew."

"That's true," Specs sighed.

"Well, at least you know more about Starzipan, in a way," Homestar Jr. said, "there's many mysteries that can't be solved in the world, and the reason Starzipan acted like she did is one of them."

Just as he finished, there came a knock at the front door.

"Coming!" called Homezipan, and opened it to reveal Milestone and Palm-Palm.

"Morning, everyone," said Palm-Palm.

"What brings you here?" asked Homestar Jr.

"My sister's coming home from summer camp," Milestone explained, somewhat looking eager.

"You never mentioned you had a sister," Specs said, slightly puzzled.

"We, er, must've forgot," Homestar Jr. admitted sheepishly, "with the celebrations and Deep Claw attacks and all."

"I bet she'll be pleased to meet you, Specs," said Milestone hopefully.

But would their first meeting turn out good? I'm afraid that's another story…

* * *

**Who is Milestone's sister, you ask? You'll have to wait and see for what the next stories will bring. I promise it won't take six months to update, trust me! ;)**


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